I have heard the rumblings of many of you in Readerland about the recent spike in gasoline prices. In fact, it's all I seem to hear about lately. But at least it keeps you from rumbling about the infrequency of my columns and articles. Nonetheless, I have decided to try to help you get through this crisis by generously providing:
1. Don't Drive Your Car
This is, of course, the most obvious solution. If you never take the old Plymouth out of the driveway, then it won't matter that, at current gas prices, it takes $125 to fill up the 30-gallon tank or that you only get 2.51 miles to the gallon. If you never drive, you could care less.
Of course, I know what you're going to say. "But Tim, I have places I need to go—like work! And the kids have school and soccer practice! And then there’s grocery shopping, yoga lessons, and dinner at the Richardsons!" Ok, I get the point. Not everyone can sit around the house writing not-so-funny articles and checking the latest live draw macau 4d 5d results like me. But just because you don’t drive your own car doesn’t mean you can’t get around. The answer?
2. Carpool
It seems so simple now, doesn't it? Instead of using your gas—Use Someone Else’s! Have someone else pay $5.50 a gallon to take your kids to school. Make someone else dip into their retirement fund just to cover the gas bill needed to get you to the office and back every day. Make someone else get a second job so that they can have a full tank of gas in their SUV when your daughter needs to cruise the mall. It’s so simple.
Of course, the concept behind carpooling is that everyone takes turns driving. So in a normal carpool situation, you would eventually be required to use your car and spend your money driving others around. But this is not a Normal Carpool Situation, this is a Tim Ward Carpool Situation (TWCPS). In a TWCPS, you avoid using your own car by making sure the other carpool participants would rather walk barefoot on 120-degree asphalt than ride with you.
You achieve this by:
-
(a) Never washing or cleaning your car. Leave it looking and smelling like a landfill.
-
(b) Have the worst-behaved child in your family sitting in the front seat at all times. Feed the child lots of candy so they are always super hyper.
-
(c) Refuse to discuss anything in your car except your spouse’s bad bathing habits, bodily fluids, hangnails, and chest hair.
-
(d) Only play reggae music on the radio. Loud!
You shouldn’t have to worry about anyone wanting to ride with you ever again.
3. Ride the Bus/Subway
Many cities have a mass transit system that is an alternative to driving your own vehicle. If you live in a city that doesn’t have one, don’t worry—you can always move.
Of course, riding public transportation does have a few drawbacks, but these can be easily overcome if you follow these simple guidelines:
-
No matter what happens, never, ever make eye contact with anyone. Making eye contact is an invitation to get mugged.
-
No matter what happens, never, ever give up your seat to anyone. This is seen as weakness and could make you a mugging target.
-
Never strike up a conversation with the person sitting next to you. This is annoying and could lead to two possible outcomes: getting mugged or getting stuck in a boring conversation.
-
Always be alert to get on and off at the right stop. Getting off at the wrong stop = Immediate mugging.
-
Never, ever take children with you on public transportation. Fellow passengers hate children. Children make you prime mugging material.
Well, there you have it—3 ways to deal with rising gas prices. Hopefully, these methods will keep you from spending twice your car’s Blue Book value just going to Walmart.
And while you’re saving money on gas, why not put your analytical skills to good use? Check out PrintrBotTalk.com for the latest prediksi macau 4d 5d hari ini and toto macau insights. Who knows? Your next ride might be in a fully paid-off car… or at least a bus pass you didn’t have to pay for. 🚎💨
Comments
Post a Comment